


Turn Your Love

by palateens



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kinda, M/M, Mutual Pining, Nursey Week, Open Mic AU, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 02:41:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9696146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/palateens/pseuds/palateens
Summary: I like smirk on your lips when you hit a high note. And that blush that creeps up when the applause catches you off guard. It always does.OrThe 5 times that Nursey and Kent spoke through poetry, and the one time they didn't have to.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For Nursey Week  
> Prompt: Muse
> 
> (something weird happened with AO3 and I could not find this fic anywhere but through the link I attached on tumblr/I couldn't even find it on my own profile. Hence, I'm reposting)

**One**  - Derek 

_Twelve weeks ago you got woke up_

_You got out of bed_

_Like any normal schmuck_

_going to your regular nine to five gig_

_dedicating every last breath you could muster_

_to making it through another dull day_

_You got out of that bed_

_our bed_

_as if you were alone_

_as if we hadn't spent the night fucking_

_angry fucking_

_sad fucking_

_pity fucking our loneliness away_

_That's how I knew we were over_

_Because I had spent hours_

_days_

_weeks_

_years_

_trying to make you_

_understand how much I fucking loved you_

_Grasping for gilded shards of affection and longing gazes_

_Masquerading as something more_

_You went to the bathroom_

_Cleansing yourself of our sins_

_I knew you from a conservative_

_backwards world_

_I knew from the beginning_

_How much I would have to hide_

_and wait and sacrifice_

_until we could be free_

_I thought I could make it_

_The weight of being your dirty little secret_

_bludgeoned me for so long_

_That I could no longer decipher from joy and pain_

_Because that's what being with you felt like_

_The intensity was always set to eleven_

_You were always finding a sad excuse to yell or criticize me_

_So in the quite moments_

_the hollow, uninspired humdrum of casual afternoons_

_where anyone else would say 'why are we still here'_

_I would think 'I am so lucky to have this'_

_You insisted on playing the part of the best friend_

_The rival_

_The platonic soulmate_

_I was too naive and strung out_

_to realize that I was barely your friend_

_and you had no consideration for any world outside of your own mind_

_But neither did I_

_And maybe that was why we held on for so long_

_because your vision of the world was antique bronze_

_with tinges of hedonism seeping through_

_Mine was rose gold_

_Queer and vibrant but not at all realistic_

_You pushed and I pulled back_

_Neither of us knew what we wanted_

_So we settled for each other_

_It was the world's greatest love story dead on arrival_

_You hugged me as if we were pals_

_As if to say 'thanks for the favor buddy'_

_There were a million things you could have said in that moment_

_Leave_

_I can't do this anymore_

_I never wanted it to be this way_

_I hate you_

_I love you_

_I never loved you_

_I don't love you enough_

_I'm sorry_

_I'll miss you_

_Goodbye_

_Instead, you told me_

_'I'll see you around I guess'_

_As if four years and countless heart breaks_

_Was the toll for a one day pass to your life_

_that was more expired than the condom_

_you propositioned me with_

_Twelve weeks ago_

_You told me to lock the door on my way out and slip the key under the mat_

_That was the most you'd spoken to me in a month_

_That's how I knew we were over_

_Not because you were done fooling around_

_But because I could no longer look myself in the mirror_

_And pretend I wasn't being used on every level_

_Twelve weeks ago you got out_

_You went about your life_

_And the part of me that loved you is relieved_

_The rest of me is still picking up the pieces_

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 **Two** \- Derek 

_People use people_

_People hurt people_

_People blame people_

_People manipulate people_

_People extort people_

_People kill people_

_So why the fuck does it matter_

_how many people I've fucked this week_

_Why the fuck do you_

_Oh high and mighty group of peers_

_Get to discern what is grieving_

_and what is vilely promiscuous_

_Why the fuck_

_Should I answer to you when you've all but taken his side_

_Heard his story but not mine_

_Felt his remorse while you buried mine_

_under miles and miles of your indifference_

_Why the fuck does he get to be the scorned_

_The broken hearted_

_The left behind_

_When I was trapped in a toxic relationship?_

_Why does no one remember that it takes two_

_Until it's too late?_

_Why does everyone think that because I was the 'happy' one_

_Or the 'social one' that I never hurt?_

_That I wasn't as fucked up as him_

_When clearly I was more so_

_I had to be_

_To believe that he was my only shot at happiness_

_Why does he get to keep everything in the divorce?_

_What do I have left that's mine?_

_My career? Gee thanks_

_What did I do to you_

_Oh dear mutual acquaintances_

_That lead you to believe my wellbeing was worth less than his?_

_I realize this is coming off as rude or crass_

_But forgive me for believing that if I lost the love of my life_

_At least I would have friends and family to lean on_

_But I don't_

_I could be self-medicating_

_Using and abusing anything I can get my hands on_

_Like I used to_

_Just to take the edge off_

_Just to chill a little bit_

_But I'm not sixteen anymore_

_And I'm alone in a city that I gave so much for_

_Just to be with him_

_I deserve to sleep around_

_Those people understand why I'm there_

_They've consented to thoughtless fucks in exchange for orgasms_

_I've consented to being mutually used by them_

_I'm an adult_

_I am grieving on my own terms_

_Get over it_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **Three** \- Kent 

 

_You will always haunt me_

_I was told one day I'd move on_

_One day things wouldn't hurt_

_Or maybe they would but much less_

_It's been years and I'm still raw_

_I jump at the sound of your voice_

_My skin crawls when I think I catch a glimpse of you_

_I thought dating other people would fix it_

_I thought interacting like functional exes would dull it_

_I thought therapy could cure it_

_And maybe it does_

_But I'm the world's biggest asshole to myself_

_So I wouldn't really know_

_I hate that you have this power over me_

_That my entire day can still crumble because of you_

_I thought I would be over this by now_

_I don't even love you anymore_

_I think I hate you less than yesterday_

_But I've found the best remedy_

_is to not dwell on this much_

_I hate the way you occupy my nightmares_

_I hate how powerless I feel when interacting with our old friends_

_I hate how I've become the outsider in my old life_

_Because you 'won'_

_Whatever the fuck that means_

_I hate how the pain comes in waves_

_The minute I think I'm getting better_

_I'm five steps backwards_

_Just when I think you don't matter anymore_

_Something comes up_

_I cried for two days after I met someone who reminded me of your mom_

_I spent months getting over the initial shock_

_It felt like a part of my nervous system was severed in a traumatic accident_

_Sometimes I feel too much at once_

_Sometimes I feel nothing for weeks_

_There's a permanent scar on my side where we used to be attached at the hip_

_It's been long enough that I've started to retrace my steps_

_I'm learning what an idiot I was all over again_

_Hoping that this time_

_Next time_

_Any time I find someone worth caring about again_

_That I won't make the same mistakes_

_I'm glad I'm doing this now_

_Three years ago_

_It would've done nothing_

_but convince me that you were the only one for me_

_Because you were the only one who could put up with this bullshit_

_I know better now_

_I hate when I find something new to love_

_There's always the chance that it'll remind me of you_

_That I'll spend a week enjoying its newness_

_And then months wallowing in reenactments of you_

_I learned every inch of soul from front to back_

_I can fake an entire conversation with you_

_Sometimes it boils my blood to watch a show_

_And to know we'd have the same favorite character_

_For entirely different reasons_

_I hate how long it's been since I felt normal_

_Fuck love_

_I don't feel like who I was before I met you_

_That's probably how most people feel_

_When someone leaves their mark like you did_

_But I don't want this_

_I don't need this_

_I need you to go back in time_

_And tell me to fuck off_

_So I never have to learn what it's like to love you_

_And then live without you_

_You will always haunt me_

 

* * *

 

 

 **Four** \- Derek

_To that cute guy who covers everything with a ukulele_

_First of all a ukulele? Really?_

_Your carnation shirt is more hipster than my bolo tie_

_Which is saying something_

_I came here months ago on a whim_

_I said I was staying for the poetry_

_I was forty percent lying_

_You probably know more about me_

_than I you_

_But I like smirk on your lips_

_when you hit a high note_

_And that blush that creeps up_

_when the applause catches you off guard_

_It always does_

_Forgive me for starring_

_a little too long_

_I couldn't help but notice your tattoos_

_The way you wear your heart as sleeves_

_The way each piece bleeds into the other_

_As if by intelligent design_

_You bear your soul like a cross_

_On every visible inch of your arms_

_I could trace those lines for hours_

_From your tips to your joints up to your chest_

_It's the most intimate shield I've ever seen_

_There's so much of you that baffles me_

_Your wardrobe is impeccable except for your caps_

_Your diction flawless when you're not cursing_

_Your smile is so gorgeous when you think no one's looking_

_Your voice is softer than clouds_

_The songs you choose are so inspired_

_There are so many moments_

_Fleeting nanoseconds_

_When I swear_

_The universe stands still_

_Because you're up here_

_I'm down there_

_And the light has to catch up to the speed_

_of our souls reaching out to one another_

_I think I was meant to meet you_

_No matter how cliché that sounds_

_I think our stories were written_

_to run parallel for a while_

_I think I like the idea of you_

_But I'm too scared to be proven wrong_

_in five years_

_five weeks_

_five days_

_Even five minutes_

_would be too long to endure another_

_royal disappointment_

_To the cute guy_

_Who always smiles at my poems_

_Like they were written in the stars_

_I hope someone's told you lately_

_that they love you_

 

* * *

 

 **Five -** Kent 

“So I was, uh, chirped last week for not putting myself out there? I’m gonna be honest, I’m mainly here to flirt with a cute person I’ve been pinning after for months. But what else is new? Anyway this is super rough but bear with me.”

 

_To the new person_

_Maybe you won’t always be new_

_Maybe in a few months or a year_

_You’ll be another regular_

_I’ll know your drink because you come in more often_

_Than my manager and hassle me twice as much_

_One day_

_You’ll know me as much as much as any friend_

_We’ll laugh and cry together_

_We’ll get shit done together_

_We’ll be better people_

_Together_

_But today is day one_

_In a new chapter of your life_

_You see I know you came in because your regular place_

_Was occupied by memories of your ex_

_Fuck it’s written all over your face_

_It used to be on mine_

_You say you don’t know me_

_But you do_

_I’m you two steps from now_

_I’m the person who had to start over_

_So I have some things I need you to know_

__

_Some days everything will hurt_

_And you won’t know why_

_Some months you’ll think you’ve moved on_

_Without sparing them a second thought_

_Some weeks all you’ll be able to think about is them_

_You’ve already stopped missing them_

_But you probably won’t miss who you were_

_Anytime soon_

_Sometimes you’ll miss the life you had together_

_Not because it was good or easy_

_But because you’ve had enough distance_

_To remember you held on for so long_

_Because of those little moments_

_Some days you won’t like yourself_

_Because you felt like it was your fault_

_It’s takes two_

_But I’m glad you realize you aren’t blameless_

_Some days you’ll wake up reaching for them_

_And be momentarily lost in despair_

_Because you did love them_

_You were holding out hope for them_

_You did believe in them_

_As much as it hurt_

_Some days you won’t recognize_

_the person you’ve become_

_I hope when that happens_

_You meet yourself with a smile_

_Because that person is beautiful_

_I’ve been friends with them for months_

_I hope you get to meet that person someday_

* * *

 

**One**

Kent is closing shop for the night. Thursdays were open mic night, and the only night that he volunteers to close (most people have plans so his manager is happy to block off the evening shift for him. It’s been a few years since he dropped off the face of the hockey world, but it's ok. His life is a lot different than he expected it to be; not that New York had changed much since he left and came back. He's locking the equipment closet when he hears footsteps approaching.

“Hi,” Nursey, his favorite regular, says hesitantly.

“Hey,” he nods in recognition of the voice. “So, what’d you think?”

“You wore that shirt again,” he smirks as if he hadn’t shown up to read poetry in parachute pants, a tank top, and a pastel pink beanie.

“Well you chirped me about it so clearly you like it,” Kent volleys.

“You’re impossible,” Derek huffs jokingly.

“Yea, I’ve been told that once or twice,” he smirks.

“So if you’re not busy I was wondering if you’d wanna grab coffee sometime?”

“Well I don’t know, I have a tight schedule of getting chirped to uphold,” Kent pretends to be deep in contemplation. “But maybe I could treat you to dinner instead?”

“You don’t like coffee,” Nursey concludes flatly.

Kent chuckles, “you’d think working at a damn coffee house I would.”

“What do you do with your shift drink?”

“Normally give it to you,” he answers simply as he ducks behind the cash wrap. Which is true, and who could blame him? At first, it was to do something nice for someone who clearly needed a pick-me-up. But after a year and some week, Kent could no longer deny that he was completely smitten with this guy.

Nursey gapes, opening his mouth a few times. “You take my card every time I'm here.”

“Have you ever seen me swipe it?”

“Ok dinner is on me,” Nursey declares.

Kent shrugs, smiling softly, “I could go for something if you can wait twenty minutes?”

Nursey blushes, grinning shyly, “I’d like that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title - Turn Your Love by Half Moon Run
> 
> If you put up with a fic full of slam poetry A) thank you  
> B) I'm gonna be honest and tell you now I will be adding to this universe/writing a more expanded get together story. So if you enjoyed this I am gonna do more with it later.
> 
> I'm rarepair, poly trash and accept prompts. [Come say hi on Tumblr.](http://abominableobriens.tumblr.com)


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